THE CONDITIONED PATTERNS OF STRUGGLE in Java

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THE CONDITIONED PATTERNS OF STRUGGLE
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Struggle is a frustrating mode of travel When we struggle, we feel exhausted, weary of the constant battles, and ready to give up Of course most of us do not give up We keep on struggling, as if that is the only option Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb through trying (struggling) He invented it because he did not struggle Big breakthroughs do not happen when we are stressed They happen when we nally let go and stop struggling When dating, is it not true that you always hear that you will not nd your mate until you stop looking so hard As with all seven illusions, we buy into the illusion that struggle is a good thing because of certain conditioned patterns The three core conditioned patterns that keep us in the Illusion of Struggle are illustrated in Figure 71
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Resisting
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Figure 71 Struggle
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The Conditioned Patterns of
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COACHING INTO GREATNESS THE CONDITIONED PATTERN OF RESISTING
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Resistance is the pattern of rejecting people, events, or things for being anything other than what we expect them to be
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Resisting is at the heart of struggle Although whatever it is we re resisting feels out there, the Resistance is really inside That is, if you re Resisting anything, you re really Resisting yourself That s what makes it the essence of scarcity When we resist something, we increase the amount of struggle in our lives, and this in turn increases how much scarcity we experience A friend recently told me that her partner s worst fear was having all three high-energy kids return home and destroy his quiet life Guess what happened DISTINCTION: STRIVING VS THRIVING
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Striving is pushing yourself toward becoming something other than who you are You are chasing something outside of yourself, depleting signi cant amounts of energy and Opportunity Cost Thriving occurs when you fully accept the present and live with today s opportunities You do not live in the future, but you create today what will become a future in which you also thrive
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Perhaps Resistance is best understood by example Although there are many things we resist, there are some we resist more often or harder than others Four things most people resist to varying degrees are: Uncomfortable feelings (or for some people, any kind of feeling) Circumstances that feel awkward or uncomfortable, or that have the possibility of feeling awkward or uncomfortable Almost any kind of fear Taking action, especially something new I ve learned by experience that the anticipation of the feeling is worse than the actual feeling Those 20 years of resisting dealing with the loss of my mom was like walking around with a constant wall of re in front of me My biggest fear was that walking through the re and facing my pain would burn and consume me When I nally embraced those 114
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The Illusion of Struggle feelings of loss, I experienced the emotion moving through and out of me Stepping through the re (my perception of the grief) did not burn me; it cleansed me
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THE CONDITIONED BELIEFS OF RESISTING Why do we resist Part of our Resistance comes from fear some rational, and some not Mostly, however, Resistance comes from our conditioned beliefs These conditioned beliefs can include: Conditioned for lack: I don t deserve good; or I m never good enough Conditioned to expect the worst: If I allow that to happen, then Conditioned to compete: Someone s got to lose, and it s not going to be me Fear of the unknown: I don t know what I m doing Conditioned to avoid pain: I ve been hurt by that (him/her) in the past Fear there s not enough The bottom line: When people resist things being a certain way in life or resist what s happening to them, they re really resisting their own greatness They are denying the world the best of who they are
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