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When I showed up at the front desk on the trading level of U.S. National Bank, the secretary recognized my face but not my name. No matter, it wasn t good news. May I help you she asked it in a way that let me know clearly that she had no intention of helping me at all. Instead, I had the feeling that she might have already called security. She looked just the way my mom did
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when she had caught me stealing the pennies from the free penny dish at the convenience store. This was not going to be a happy conversation: ME: I have an appointment with Samuel Wilson. SKEPTICAL RECEPTIONIST: Sure you do, Mr., uh, Charles Flank, who no longer works for Wakeman, Butterman, and Bailey. You have a special meeting with, um, Samuel Wilson, who doesn t work here ME: [protesting] No, really, I do have an appointment with him. He does work here. My name is Harry Banes. SKEPTICAL RECEPTIONIST: No, really, you don t have any appointments here, Mr. Banes. There s no Samuel Wilson at U.S. National Bank. Never was. And there s no Harry Banes here, either. ME: Yes! Yes there is a Harry Banes at U.S. National Bank. And if you double-check, there is a Samuel Wilson here, too. SKEPTICAL RECEPTIONIST: Should I call Mr. Sutherland and see what he thinks about your appointment with Mr. Wilson ME: [looking dumb] This left me with very little to say. I most certainly did not want to miss any news about how Samuel and Harvey and the rest of the U.S. National Bank trading crew were handling the trade to sell the EUR/USD at 1.2200. When would that trade open It could happen today, for sure even though the currency pair would have to move 200 points upward to get to the entry. Why were they selling all the way up there Craig had said they could get an order sooner than that. Why wait that long And where was Mr. Wilson How could I get in there without her calling the police Worse than calling the police would be to call Mr. Sutherland. Pissing him off would end my chances forever of seeing the trading floor here, or anywhere else, for that matter. Mr. Wilson was probably waiting for me, expecting me, and I was going to ruin the opportunity if I didn t get in there. So I decided that I would beg. I promise. Last time I didn t see Mr. Sutherland. I know. I lied. I lied to you, I lied to my wife earlier last week, I lied to my boss and to some other people that I can t remember right now. But you gotta let me in that door. I swear Mr. Wilson works here. She had transformed suddenly into the Angry Receptionist. I ve already called security, she told me very matter-of-factly. Don t you think I know who works here Don t you think I would have checked first Now would be a good time to turn around and leave. I heard a ding and the sound of elevator doors opening, and heavy footsteps behind me.
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Would you please call Mr. Wilson and tell him that I am here If he says that he doesn t know me, then I will go. You can handcuff me or arrest me. You can just page out to the trading floor, or look up your directory again. Now I was really hoping that Mr. Wilson did not suffer from any form of senility. I mean, he had looked older than anyone else on the trading floor, and it was possible that he had forgotten all about me. For sure, he would have left my name at the front desk. Wait a minute! He hadn t told them that I was coming! No wonder I was having all this trouble. Certainly he had forgotten about the appointment. Just as I imagined he was generous and helpful but not very bright. It was now just one minute before noon and I was positive that I was never going to get in he would probably not even be at his desk any longer, since he worked shorter days. He was an old man. Needed a nap or whatever. By then, two security guards were standing by my side and I must have been giving the Angry Receptionist the most pitiful look ever, because she did pick up her phone. Judy, there s a psychopath out here in the lobby and he wants to know if we have a Samuel Wilson at the firm. Then a pause. No, not a real psychopath. He s just demanding to see a man named Samuel Wilson, says he works on the trading floor. Another pause and I thought my bladder would explode from the tension. I held on, knowing that I only needed a few more seconds before she d realize her mistake, I could use the restroom, and then I d be whooshed through the giant mahogany doors, where I d find a happy Mr. Wilson ready to instruct me in the ways of secretive, rich, master traders who would take me in as their own and raise me up to be the greatest trader who ever lived. Or not. I felt a hand grip my right arm. Then another grabbed my left elbow. They were huge, meaty hands that could crush a man s dream of going onto the trading floor at U.S. National Bank. I looked to my left and right within 10 feet there were windows on either side. We were 20 floors above ground. I wondered from which side they were going to throw me out. This is not how I had planned to die, but it was possible that I was going to leave this world never having seen more than one Non-Farm Payroll jobs report. And with a planned order to gain glorious, innumerable pips from a sell trade on the Euro! PRIEST: Dearly beloved, we gather here this grey and cloudy morning to celebrate the life of Harold Banes. No, wait. That wasn t it.
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