Rewriting your role in your family in .NET framework

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Rewriting your role in your family
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Family relationships are dynamic, meaning that they change over time. Part of being confident is recognising that it s natural for you to have a different relationship with your parents, siblings, and the rest of the family as you grow older. Just because your big brother
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Part I: Considering the Basics
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Being a child at 50
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At the age of 50, Bruce appears to be a mature and confident man. He holds down a responsible lecturing job at a prestigious British university and has published works of academic excellence. For most of the year, he is bright, entertaining, and fun to be with. But that all changes when his parents come to stay for Christmas. Over the years, he has loved and lost a string of live-in girlfriends who despair at his change in behaviour when his mother and father visit. At these times, Bruce reverts to being a good little boy , trying to please his parents by adopting false modesty. Each time, the current girlfriend is ousted from the double bedroom and placed in a guest room, and treated as a casual visitor in the shared home. Bruce feels that his parents will not approve of the live-in relationship he has chosen and pretends that he lives a bachelor existence. He behaves as if he still lives in the parental home, and he lacks the emotional maturity to be his own person, not acknowledging the true situation for fear of upsetting his parents. Little wonder, then, that many New Year parties have been less than romantic for Bruce.
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told you what to do when you were eight doesn t give him the right to behave in the same way 20 years on. Nor does it give you the excuse to slip into an unhelpful, child-like relationship with him. Yet you may recognise that you cling to a pattern of behaviour with your family that s no longer appropriate to the confident you that you want to be today. Perhaps you bite your tongue rather than saying what you feel is true and right. You can choose how you want to be with people, and the way you behave dictates the results you get. The next exercise helps you to shift the dynamics in your family relationships by observing the current situation, then choosing how you would like it to be. It s very empowering, particularly if you feel stuck in old habits. Think of a person in your family, including your in-laws or step children, who you d like to relate to in a better way. Follow these steps: 1. Write out the story of how you currently relate to this person. Describe how you currently behave with this person. Note the situations that you find most difficult and challenging. Think about what you would like to change so that you can
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2: Identifying Your Sticking Points
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have a respectful, amicable, and mature relationship with this person. 2. Write a second version detailing how you would like this relationship to be in three years time. Write in the present tense as if the change has already happened. Add as much detail as you like to visualise the new story with dialogue and your new feelings. 3. Act as if you have already developed or changed this relationship. Make a commitment to yourself that next time you have contact with this person, you will remind yourself of your new story. Visualising the future, behave as if the change you desire has already happened.
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Benefiting from your life experiences
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Sam has recently given up his computer sales business to teach yoga full time. He has that almost tangible inner strength of so many yogis and martial artists a very centred kind of energy. One day at the end of a class, he commented that nothing fazes him after fleeing from atrocities in Uganda at the age of 15. He left his family and was sent off to Canada alone to meet up with one family contact who helped him to find a room to live in. Although hopefully your tough times are not this tough, in a bizarre way, the awful times you come through provide the root source for your strongest confidence. They build your resilience and toughen you up to face the next hurdle. Table 2-1 provides room for you to list some of the tough times you ve faced in your life so far and how dealing with them benefited you. Your own tough times don t need to be as extreme as Sam s.
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Table 2-1
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