THE FOUR-STEP PROCESS APPLIED TO THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL in Java

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THE FOUR-STEP PROCESS APPLIED TO THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL
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It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes happiness CHARLES SPURGEON
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Remember rich, but terribly unhappy Rita Maybe it s hard to drum up sympathy for someone who s been successful in business, but what you don t know is that she was also on the verge of losing her wealth as well 156
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The Illusion of Control because of the stress-induced health issues This happens more than you might imagine In a sense, Rita was totally out of control because of her need for control This also happens frequently The following sections will apply the Coaching into Greatness fourstep process to Rita s situation AWARENESS By now you should be familiar with the routine Rita has to rst become aware of how, where, and why she s holding on so hard to her Lone Ranger role What does she get from being in control What beliefs underlie her need for control What does she imagine will happen if she relinquishes control of parts of her empire to others who may be better suited to the tasks Play out a visual scenario in which Rita hires an assistant What would the assistant do What procedures and policies would Rita need to put into place to trust that the assistant would be truly helpful We re not talking about blind trust here, but trust that s well-founded by having the right documents, policies, and procedures in place Rita can control what is controllable but let go of the rest All of this takes a great deal of awareness on Rita s part Help her to discover: What are her deeper fears How can she reasonably protect herself in a way that allows greater Vulnerability What are her best skills What are her strengths, which, if she builds on them, will help her Live into her Greatness What are her weaknesses that can be complemented by someone else who s strong in those areas ACCEPTANCE Someone beset with physical and emotional troubles like Rita s might tend to hold tighter to her beliefs Acceptance of the awareness gained is absolutely critical She s too scared of losing everything to let go, yet letting go is exactly what needs to happen She needs to accept that her present condition and circumstances are a direct result of her Illusion of Control 157
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COACHING INTO GREATNESS Ask her to take small steps If she can accept that her need for control has created the stress, nd one small area in which she can release control Perhaps she can hire a bookkeeper or assistant to handle ling She ll tell you that having an assistant isn t possible because she s always on the go, and it would take longer to tell the assistant what to do than to do it herself Don t buy her excuses for a minute Gain acceptance that her circumstances are her responsibility and are caused by her Illusion of Control, then swiftly move to step 3 CONSISTENT ACTION People under the Illusion of Control won t easily let loose of the reins Creating and cultivating new beliefs and abundant patterns will take some strategy In Rita s case, we ll have her take the time to develop very speci c plans, policies, and procedures (the three Ps of ef ciency) for all the tasks for which she d hire an assistant Only then will she hire the assistant Your coaching is very important in this phase Ensure that Rita doesn t sabotage the situation by hiring the rst person she nds She needs to develop speci c criteria and stick to the criteria Then, have her commit to a daily practice of not checking up on the assistant The assistant will provide a weekly status report and no more I ll tell you up front that this will drive someone like Rita nuts! In fact, the best thing to do would be to have her stay as far away from the of ce as possible Once she feels comfortable with her assistant, move on to the next job, and the next, always coming back through the four-step process AUTHENTICITY For Rita, her control patterns feel authentic It feels more like her than giving up control and becoming vulnerable She ll feel weak or inadequate by letting go of her control patterns The authenticity will come through the constant and consistent repetition of the Coaching into Greatness process With each new step toward releasing control, Rita will gain awareness of how it affects her body and her relationships Once she sees that her life actually improves, she ll begin accepting and appreciating 158
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The Illusion of Control her true greatness, which comes directly from Personal Responsibility and Vulnerability This will take some time, and repeating the cycle is essential
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