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CHAPTER SUMMARY
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All of our conditioned beliefs are beliefs we accepted by choice You can t think your way out of scarcity A Declaration is your public promise of how you will show up in the world You are Authentic when you are living your life according to the truth of who you are
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CHAPTER FIVE
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The Illusion of Not Enough
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I have enough for this life If there is no other life, then this one has been enough to make it worth being born, myself a human being PEARL S BUCK
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After my mom died, I was sent to live with my uncle in Lake Tahoe, California It was an achingly lonely, confusing time That summer, my uncle got me a job working at a deli on the top of Squaw Valley, the resort that held the 1960 Olympic Games In spite of a tremendous fear of heights, each day I took the tram ride up 6,000 feet to the deli But, it was a job, right I felt out of place and completely invisible It seemed as though everyone but me had a busy, normal life I pretended to be okay Soon after, my dad got a new job in Reno, a 45-minute drive from Tahoe He and my stepmother moved their increasingly codependent relationship to their new home the place I would also call home at the end of that summer Talk about out of place! I felt like an alien in a dust bowl I yearned for the comfort of my friends in Wisconsin I longed for the trees and the grass, and, crazily enough, I even missed the humidity (I must have been out of my mind!) The rst day of school is one I ll never forget First, I actually walked to the bus As a senior, it was like wearing a huge neon sign that blinked 59
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COACHING INTO GREATNESS LOSER That I had the ugliest shoes ever made wasn t much help, either I think I held my breath on the entire descent down the hill to the bus stop It didn t take a degree in psychology to know what they thought of me, and at the time I would have agreed with their assessment: major loser Later that fall, I wrote poetry about my mom in the relative comfort of my uncle s house Left alone by my dad, who wanted quality time with his wife, and my uncle s family, who d gone out on the town, I wandered outside into a rain just cold enough to feel like thousands of miniature razors I wore no coat and left the umbrella in the house I didn t care if I got sick Maybe if I did, I d actually get someone to pay attention! It didn t work I ve been blessed, or cursed in that case, with a strong immune system I yearned for someone to see me, to notice my pain, but I was invisible Always invisible Fifteen years later, a therapist commented that I was pathetic on that cold, dreary night You might agree It does sound rather pathetic looking from the outside in Pathetic or not, it was no more or less than the desperate attempt of a young girl to reclaim her place in the world to be enough, to be seen Through what was the most dif cult time in my life, I didn t trust in my own ability to get me through the tremendous pain I was experiencing My experiences all pointed to the fact that I wasn t enough, and because I waited (hoped) for others to provide the validation that never came, I built my young life around the belief that I wasn t enough
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