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monster or words to that effect Unfortunately we can t coach vicariously and the best I could do was to help those people deal with the effect that their boss s behaviour had on them We can only coach people on aspects of situations which are within their eld of control
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What rst steps could you take Are they challenging but achievable How will you know if you ve succeeded What timeframe is involved These questions enable us to move from a long-term, dream aim towards a shorter term performance goal
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REALITY By coaching people through the Reality stage, we re encouraging people to build a deep understanding of their current situation By doing this we re raising awareness and thus they ll begin to notice critical variables on which to usefully focus Furthermore, because we have established a hierarchy of aims they ll tend to notice those variables that are in keeping with these aims Since focus follows interest we want to have primed people to be interested in variables pursuant to their aims To coach people through this stage effectively however, it is necessary always to bear in mind that in truth there is no such thing as objective reality there is only subjective perception
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What does this say: OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE Opportunity is nowhere or opportunity is now here It entirely depends on one s perception This gives us one or two areas we need to be careful about in coaching at the reality stage Let s say you re coaching someone and you ve reached the Reality stage Your coachee begins to tell you about the current situation as they see it and you inevitably begin to form your own view Unless you re careful it will be very tempting to perhaps interrupt and say something like oh yes, I know exactly what you re going through, the same thing happened to me last month See, what you need to do is All that s happened here is we have taken responsibility back and slipped into telling mode Besides which who s to say that you ve made a correct interpretation Even if your coachee is facing literally the same circumstances you did, they re them and you re you! You can t be inside their head and know exactly how it feels for them True awareness raising means people have to come to their own conclusions about what s going on, not to have it described for them I believe the Reality stage to be the most vital of the ve in the ARROW model for it is here that there is most scope for awareness raising If pushed for time I think it better to reschedule a further meeting than to deal with reality half-heartedly In fact I have often found that raising awareness and bringing people s focus back to the here and now is often all that it takes to produce some performance improvement
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People often ask me but what if the coachee just can t see the problem A coaching law is useful here:
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8TH LAW OF COACHING Curiosity is more useful than judgement
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Suppose I have had complaints about Jim, a member of the Customer Services team who many customers nd unhelpful and abrasive, but who sees himself as performing well Here s how a non-coaching reality discussion might go: Matt Jim Matt So, how are things going in terms of complaints Jim Yeah great, no problems Well that s clearly not the case Jim Look I ve been getting complaints about people nding you abrasive It s just no good Me abrasive It s Jenny you want to be talking to, she s abrasiveness personi ed I can t believe you ve brought me in here to discuss this
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And so it would go on What about a coaching approach Matt Jim Matt Jim So, how are things going in terms of complaints Jim Yeah great, no problems How do you know there are no problems Well, we don t get many complaints I don t think so anyway
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